Disappointment

Something to consider is the first thing that jumps into one’s mind when disappointing news is revealed. Is it self-doubt? Sadness? Anger? Or is it embarrassment, sheer red-faced shame at the prospect of sharing with others one’s misfortune or “failure”. I’ve noticed that my mind weasels its way to embarrassment in an instant. In a split second, I begin to dress the list of people I’ll have to tell. People to whom I’ll have to reveal my weakness. How will they react? Will they look at me with disdain? The judgments I hold toward myself are reflected back at me through the eyes of others, regardless of what the well intended beholder actually means.

Its definitely not healthy, this propensity to self-loathing. It makes me ignore what really matters- how a disappointment affects me. Its important to acknowledge the emotion brought up by a let down, to not flit right to self-loathing and mind reading. Its something I’m working on, as disappointments seem inevitable. There is always something to be said about the learning that can come from disappointments, from “failure”, and this is mine from my last let down: the way in which one handles failure can prove one to be, in fact, more successful.

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